But since I have never before allowed myself or my daughter to be in this situation before (previously, I had rigorously planned outings for days when I knew precisely how much Livie had ingested, at precisely what time she would need to eat again, and even then only at times when we'd be sure to return home for the next feeding) I had yet to closely examine my feelings about breastfeeding in public.
My first memory of breastfeeding in public isn't really all that public. It was my friend Timmy's mom, in her own living room, talking with my mom while I played with Timmy and his little brother. I remember being somewhat shocked that other moms did this, too. I guess I thought Lizzy was the only baby who was ever breastfed. Like my mom had a special power that others did not possess. Years later, I learned that Timmy's mom had fought and won a battle with breast cancer. I don't know why, but the two images have always been connected in my mind: breastfeeding in public, and breast cancer. Can anyone explain that one for me?
Anyway, I've never really had a problem with breastfeeding in public. It's always been a very natural process in my mind, and while my own mom was very discreet about breastfeeding, I did not mind other women being less discreet.
Which is why I was a little suprised at how shy I was about breastfeeding in public today. I knew it was natural, I knew I was in a place inhabited only by women, I knew my baby girl was hungry and depending on me for sustenance, and I knew I had deliberately not packed any milk because it was time to do this. Yet when the time came, I hesitated. This bothers me, because as a mother and as a foodie, breastfeeding should totally delight me. It's gourmet motherhood at it's best.
I have since resolved to conquer any misgivings I have because I know that I am doing the right thing. While I will be careful to be discreet and respectful of others (who may not be as open-minded as I would hope) I will not be banished to a back room. Nor will I be confined to my home. How can I be expected to be a good mother, to teach my daughter about the world, if I cannot take her into it?
I am happy to report that I did not receive a single dirty look or rude comment while I fed Livie. I am also happy to report that she did a great job of eating on the run, and I'm so stinking proud of all the progress she's made. It seems a shame to waste it by not showing off her new skills, eh?
I'd like to hear what others have to say on the subject. I've posted a poll on the right, but please leave a comment as well, because I'm really interested to see what the consensus is among my friends and family.
12 comments:
Go to bed.
Come on Starla, you don't wanna discuss boobs at this hour? What's wrong with you!? :) Personally I don't have issues with others feeding, but I'm not the kind of whip it out in front of the world kind of person. I always pack milk if we are on the go because I too am shy about it, and Kyler can slurp a bottle in half the time it takes him to eat normally, which is nice so who ever I am with doesn't have to wait around. It's also nice because friends and family absolutely love the chance to feed him. My first public feeding was by force a few weeks ago when the hotel in Park City told me I couldn't check in for 4 more hours. I panicked! I was with another mom and we drove to a secluded park for her kids to play and I nursed right there - but my blanket was flapping in the wind, and I'm pretty sure I flashed the Mexicans spreading a fresh layer of mulch! Oh well! The next feeding came along and we were at the mall and the same women had her kid poop right under a tree, so you know she's a free spirit, and told me to just feed right there, but in a busy mall I could not bring myself to do it and went straight to Motherhood Maternity and nursed in their dressing room since they have one especially for mothers. I found I can not nurse in front of other people, it freaks me out. At church I feed him a bottle as well (mostly because he's a messy eater and I don't want any mess on my dress since I teach 15 year old Sunday school and you don't want to be explaining what happened!)So in my opinion, to each their own, but for me and my babe, a bottle on the go.
Good question, Molly. First of all, what I've learned as an L&D nurse as I've taught hundreds of women to breastfeed, is that every one is different and there are so many different opinions out there about breastfeeding. I think however you feel about the subject is perfectly fine and right for you and your baby. Having said that, I'll give you my opinion. I will say that in the beginning I was definitely more shy about it and nursing was always such a long drawn out hassle that it was much easier to just bring a bottle on the go. However, I am now terrified of pumping (thanks to the rebound oversupply and, thus, plugged ducts and mastitis that it caused me several times). Nowadays if I pump once a day I know it won't hurt but in the beginning it was causing more problems than not so I resorted to nursing in public. I always use a hooter hider (I'm definitely not a fan of just whipping it out). But I'm finding that the more I do it the less uncomfortable I am with it. And frankly, it's just easier. I have now breastfed in restaurants, in parks, at water parks, in parking lots, in front of public library (downtown fredericksburg..don't worry...a nice big tour bus drove right by us during this experience! haha)...
Anyways...I guess what I'm saying is that I've gotten used to it...and it definitely makes life easier. I will say that sometimes it would be nice to have a bottle just so others don't have to wait around or you don't have to pull over...but for the most part I choose nursing. I always try to be as discreet as possible (use a cover, sit in a corner, etc). I think that saves you from most people being offended or uncomfortable with it. If you are being discreet and people are still offended...well then that's their problem.
I'm so glad Olivia is doing so well! You are right...take advantage of her ability to nurse so well and do whatever is most convenient for you!
First of all, I really believe that whatever works for you is best for you. I do think that if you're going to be in a totally public place with mixed company, it's best to use a nursing cover or blanket. I don't have any problem with people sitting in public, modestly nursing their babies. I've done it plenty of times. I'd prefer to be somewhere a little more secluded place so that if the nursing cover & I just aren't getting along, I won't flash the world if I have to move it to get things set up, but you do what you can. When it comes to nursing in the mother's lounge at church (or anywhere) or around female friends, I personally would prefer not to use a cover because it is just frustrating to me to use them. ...but while I do prefer it, I find that I usually give in to the social more I have ingrained in my head (who knows where it came from?) that says you should cover up, so I try to. Today, for example...I went to the mother's lounge at church to nurse/rock Jackson in hopes that he'd fall asleep because he was so tired. The first time I went, someone had the door blocked shut by a chair (and it kind of ticked me off...come on, do you think you're the only one who needs in there??). I tried again later, and there was another mother nursing a baby who looked to be Jackson's age or older. She had a nursing cover. I didn't bring mine, or a blanket, or anything that could give any little amount of privacy. The dump truck in my bag wouldn't do. So I just sat down and rocked him and didn't nurse. And he never fell asleep. Why couldn't I just feed him anyway? If she didn't have a cover, I would have been just fine doing it. And come on, do I honestly think she hasn't seen it before? Even if I was the only one in there at fist, I would have done it, knowing someone else would probably walk in. How silly. And really, I wish it were considered acceptable to nurse in Relief Society. We're all women. I'd try to use a blanket or cover and I'd sit in the back. Sigh.
Most of what I said really would apply more to when he was younger and wasn't eating big people food and stuff, but it's still something I have an inner struggle with, as you can tell.
This is probably the longest comment I've ever left. Wow. Anyway, good luck to you, and do what you feel is best for you!
This post made me giggle, I am very much the anywhere, anytime type. I have breastfed pretty much everywhere without a thought. But that said, I've always used a cover (it's kind of hard to explain garments out here, especially 'cause I'm small enough the bottoms come up to my belly button) and try to be discreet. It was always interesting to do it at school (UNCG is not exactly a family-friendly place): I ended up hanging a curtain at my cubicle (yes, in my major we all have our own desk and cubicle) so people wouldn't bother me when I was feeding him, or I'd go outside and sit on a bench. But once it was raining so I had to use the student lounge and this poor boy was sitting across from me at the table and it was really quiet so you could hear Max eating and he slowly picked up his laptop and left... I saw him sitting in the hallway later. But I think that was the only time I ever made anyone uncomfortable. I've even fed Max while walking around, sitting on the floor in public places, in class. And the only time I ever used bottles was when we traveled: I'd pump and then feed him what I'd just pumped to cut down on how much we needed to stop. I also pumped all over the place since my mom watched him while I was in school. I have a hand pump and LOVED it. My midwife told me to get the electric one so I registered for it too, but ended up getting the hand one and I liked it way better. Plus I could pump anywhere, I wasn't attached to the wall with cords. Although I was really lucky: I never had any issues breastfeeding or pumping at all so it made things easier (and easier to be a free spirit). With the next one I'll probably be horrible and not even bother with the mother's lounge. So don't worry, with time it'll get easier and you'll get to the point you won't even care.
I have come to appreciate places that at least have a mother's lounge in the bathrooms (the Omaha zoo was not such a place... I had to sit in a not so busy corner, with a nursing cover, surrounded by my in-laws who tried to chat naturally and not attract attention to the nursing baby on the floor). I am okay with nursing in public with a nursing cover. I am not uncomfortable with nursing moms, but that's probably because I AM one myself. I don't really think nursing in public without a nursing cover is the best, because so many people are NOT used to that and it makes them uncomfortable. I agree with Natalie, that a lot of times, it's too much hassle to use the cover and if it's other moms, I might not use the cover (especially when an older baby likes to play peekaboo with it...)
Keep in mind, I have a reputation as a hippie among some of my more conservative friends. And I might be. I have now fed Savannah in so many random places it is ridiculous. If I am in an area mostly populated by men or if there isn't seating I nurse in the car with my cover.
I just realized that my opinion is likely obvious to you because I gave you a nursing cover!
Nursing is one of the most beautiful things a mom and baby share, so enjoy it. I try to consider my crowd, but hey, Savannah's needs come first.
Natalie, why isn't it acceptable to nurse in RS?! Everyone did in my branch in NY. I might just pretend to be socially unaware of that one and give it a whirl if she is ever hungry in RS.
I nursed Alana uncovered at a BYU football game because it was 9000 degrees outside and the thought of having a blankie over either of us was crazy. But I was able to strategically move my shirt so as to expose no skin. Pretty impressive, eh? I think women should do what they are comfortable with, but I agree that it is important to be considerate. I will not be made to feel embarassed, if someone wants to leave because I'm nursing, that is their right. But I won't. :)
I nursed you in public many times. It got easier with each baby. I guess I didn't put so much deep thought into the whole process. Some of my babies took bottles and others didn't. You just did what you had to do. Enjoy this time. I still have dreams about nursing. I miss it!
Love, Your Mom
Nursing covers are fantastic inventions. They are not hot like a blanket (and have ventilation). The only problem I see with nursing in very public places (w/o a cover) is when baby gets distracted and stops to look around AT EVERYTHING. I've never been interested in being an exhibitionist (even if it is for a good cause).
K so after reading these my comment makes me look like a total wimp so I felt inclined to clarify that it's just not me, it's Kyler too! He will NOT eat under a blanket (and I don't have a hooter hider so I don't know how he would do with that). This was confirmed last night when we went to the aquarium. I was feeling quite liberated by these comments and decided to not pack a bottle, and woah buddy that was a mistake! Number 1 reason for drama is when he is overheated, and trying to feed him under the blanket made him kick and scream worse than when he had shots!! I ran to the car and decided what the heck, I'll flash the world for the sake of my kid, but it didn't matter - he was MAD and refused to eat which had me repeatedly exposing myself to the world. I kept telling the kid, why are you the one crying, I'm the one completely embarrassed right now!I felt horrible, like i had somehow failed him even though I was trying my hardest to get him to eat. Never again. Never again!
As the non-mom, I'd like to say that I've been around plenty of breast feeding women my whole life, and I don't think that anyone has anything to complain about as long as the mother isn't exposing herself. I know that may shock you, coming from me, but I really don't see what the big deal is. It's socially acceptable for people to consume substances in public, right? It's socially acceptable to breast feed, right? The only unacceptable part of the process is the modesty issue, so if you get that out of the way, problem solved. I mean, discretion is key, but really, for all they know, you're just putting that blanket over her head because she's trying to sleep. See? I'm not such a prude.
Post a Comment