milk maid

Today, for the first time, I went out with my sisters and my baby, and we stayed out for several hours. We took Lizzy out to show her around the funner parts of Provo and Orem, and when it was time to feed Olivia, I didn't rush home to do so. I borrowed my sister's nursing cover, and nursed Olivia right where I was. I love having a wireless, portable kid. I am so grateful that she's been able to learn to nurse, and that she actually seems to prefer it to any other form of eating. Including her tube.

But since I have never before allowed myself or my daughter to be in this situation before (previously, I had rigorously planned outings for days when I knew precisely how much Livie had ingested, at precisely what time she would need to eat again, and even then only at times when we'd be sure to return home for the next feeding) I had yet to closely examine my feelings about breastfeeding in public.

My first memory of breastfeeding in public isn't really all that public. It was my friend Timmy's mom, in her own living room, talking with my mom while I played with Timmy and his little brother. I remember being somewhat shocked that other moms did this, too. I guess I thought Lizzy was the only baby who was ever breastfed. Like my mom had a special power that others did not possess. Years later, I learned that Timmy's mom had fought and won a battle with breast cancer. I don't know why, but the two images have always been connected in my mind: breastfeeding in public, and breast cancer. Can anyone explain that one for me?

Anyway, I've never really had a problem with breastfeeding in public. It's always been a very natural process in my mind, and while my own mom was very discreet about breastfeeding, I did not mind other women being less discreet.

Which is why I was a little suprised at how shy I was about breastfeeding in public today. I knew it was natural, I knew I was in a place inhabited only by women, I knew my baby girl was hungry and depending on me for sustenance, and I knew I had deliberately not packed any milk because it was time to do this. Yet when the time came, I hesitated. This bothers me, because as a mother and as a foodie, breastfeeding should totally delight me. It's gourmet motherhood at it's best.

I have since resolved to conquer any misgivings I have because I know that I am doing the right thing. While I will be careful to be discreet and respectful of others (who may not be as open-minded as I would hope) I will not be banished to a back room. Nor will I be confined to my home. How can I be expected to be a good mother, to teach my daughter about the world, if I cannot take her into it?

I am happy to report that I did not receive a single dirty look or rude comment while I fed Livie. I am also happy to report that she did a great job of eating on the run, and I'm so stinking proud of all the progress she's made. It seems a shame to waste it by not showing off her new skills, eh?

I'd like to hear what others have to say on the subject. I've posted a poll on the right, but please leave a comment as well, because I'm really interested to see what the consensus is among my friends and family.

sorry, grandma

I've been meaning to post this stuff for ages, but haven't really had much time to do so! My mom's dying for pictures and videos, though, so here you go, mom. This stuff may be boring to anyone without a vested interest in my baby, so you've been warned.

I however, think she's perfect. I could look at this stuff forever if I wasn't so busy with the real thing!

Three months old on Saturday, and this is what's new with Olivia:

1. She's a pro at holding her head up. Her occupational therapist was really impressed with the improvement from just two weeks ago. In fact, he says she's advanced for her age at sitting up. Boo ya.

2. She's cooing and talking non-stop. Especially for Aunt Lizzy, as you can see in the video. She just loved conversing with her. She's still not much of a crier. She can definitely express dissatisfaction, but just seems to be mostly satisfied with her life.

3. This is my favorite bit of news. She really only needs her tube for night time feedings these days. She's breastfeeding during the day, and does really well at it. It's turned into our favorite thing- not just my favorite, but hers, too! She stops every now and then to smile and coo, then gets back to business.

4. Still sleeping through the night! We have a perfect baby. She did wake us us the other morning at six, an hour before her feeding, by smacking her lips really loudly. She seems to have discovered her lips and tongue, because she just loves to lick and smack. lick and smack, lick and smack. Every time I pick her up, she licks my shoulder and smacks my shirt. I rather enjoy it!

5. Eyes still blue, but the red hair seems to be taming and turning brown. She still looks remarkably like her daddy, but a few people swear she sometimes resembles me when you squint. I still don't see it, but it's nice of them to say. Good thing Charles is so good-looking!

6. We were bored of Settlers the other night, because Charles kept winning. So we pulled up Texas Hold 'Em on wikipedia and taught ourselves to play. It's actually pretty fun! Mostly a psychological game, from what I can tell. We don't play for money or anything, obviously, but we've decided (we being Charles, Lizzy and I) that there are very many genres of poker that we need to explore. There's Ocean's Eleven style poker, Richard Gilmore style poker, boys night out style poker, smoky backroom in chinatown style poker, etc. We are slowly working our way through them. These are our poker faces. And yes, we wear hats and sunglasses. We're that serious about the game.

bleh

I've lost my muse. Ever since the first bout of morning sickness, I haven't felt like cooking. Someone please remind me how fun it used to be. What did I ever see in it? If I don't figure it out soon, I'm going to have to find a new hobby.

Dear Aunt Lizzy

Your computer is here. I had to throw myself in front of it to keep my mom and dad from opening it. My dad almost lost a hand, as you can see from the video, but your computer is safe for the time being. I got your back.

Love,

Livie G

The many faces of Miss Olivia Grace

So on Sunday, we decided to host a little photo shoot to see if we could get a good picture for Olivia's birth announcement. The ones from her birth, such as the ones where she's being intubated or where she's hypothermic, are a little morbid and I don't like to look at them anymore. So we dressed her up in the cute little yellow sundress Ben and Ashley gave us, put some giant gerbera daisies around her, and started clicking.

This is the one we got for her announcement. I love this picture. This picture shows off what a sweet and amiable kid she is. She's generally a pretty happy and inquisitive little girl. She fusses for about five minutes before she falls asleep, just to let us know that she's not happy to be awake. And she gets mad if you let her go too long without food. But the rest of the time she's content to lay in your arms, on the floor, in her swing, in her bouncy chair, in her bed, or wherever, and just talk and watch the goings-on around her.

That's why I love these other pictures more than that picture. These pictures show the true, interactive, inquisitive and entertaining sides of my daughter. She cracks me up 24-7. Maybe it's not healthy for her self-esteem to laugh at everything she does, but I just can't help it when she sneezes and farts at the same time. Or when she burps and startles herself. Or when she laughs out loud in her sleep. Yesterday when she laughed in her sleep, Charles and I laughed out loud, and she thought that was funny and kept laughing. I stinking can't get enough of this baby.